Dear Mom

Keep the laughter in you eyes. Soon your long awaited prize. We’ll forget about our sorrows. And think about a brighter day. Cause life is beautiful that way. — Noa, Life is Beautiful

Because of my semi-early separation from my mother, I crystallized all her memories. She is (yes, still ‘is’) my role model and mentor. She had been, of course, older than me in my memory. Mature yet charming, wise yet funny, kind and loving, and generous, generous, oh, so generous about showing how much she loved everybody around her. We all felt so much loved.

She looked young and beautiful in her early 40s, in my memory. Our clock had stopped there. Inevitably I became older than she ever was, and it took me a while to accept the fact. When I finally realized it, I felt like I lost her again. Some of my physical functions are getting a bit tired — and each little thing is a painful reminder that she’d never reached this stage of her life.

Mom, I miss you. I wasn’t ready. I was a stupid, stupid teenager. I am so sorry I didn’t say “Thank you” “I love you” “I’m sorry” enough. I regret it. It still hurts. I know it’s too late, way too late, and I know you knew. Still, I wanted to tell you that I was sorry, I was grateful, and I loved you. I still love you so much. I’m so very glad that I am your daughter.

 

Misako

Avid Hiker, Star-gazer, Toastmaster, Translator, Author (Japanese books)

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Misako, what a wonderful blog you’ve created! I can really relate to this one as I’m now the same age my mom was when she passed away from cancer. I think both our moms are still guiding lights though, don’t you?

    1. Thank you, Debby! Yes, I do! I totally agree with you; they never give up on us. How much love they give and how much they care about us… makes me humble. xoxo

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