Keep the laughter in you eyes. Soon your long awaited prize. We’ll forget about our sorrows. And think about a brighter day. Cause life is beautiful that way. — Noa, Life is Beautiful
Because of my semi-early separation from my mother, I crystallized all her memories. She is (yes, still ‘is’) my role model and mentor. She had been, of course, older than me in my memory. Mature yet charming, wise yet funny, kind and loving, and generous, generous, oh, so generous about showing how much she loved everybody around her. We all felt so much loved.
She looked young and beautiful in her early 40s, in my memory. Our clock had stopped there. Inevitably I became older than she ever was, and it took me a while to accept the fact. When I finally realized it, I felt like I lost her again. Some of my physical functions are getting a bit tired — and each little thing is a painful reminder that she’d never reached this stage of her life.
Mom, I miss you. I wasn’t ready. I was a stupid, stupid teenager. I am so sorry I didn’t say “Thank you” “I love you” “I’m sorry” enough. I regret it. It still hurts. I know it’s too late, way too late, and I know you knew. Still, I wanted to tell you that I was sorry, I was grateful, and I loved you. I still love you so much. I’m so very glad that I am your daughter.